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< USA ~ Time for a Change |
Nix
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2003 6:21 pm |
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UnknownPosts: 117Location: ChicagoJoined: Mon Nov 24, 2003 4:24 pm
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((arghhhh! this is terrible!!!!! i'll edit it later when i've thought about it and let me do the next post. i've got an idea about the limo scene
_________________ "Yeah, you want me. Piss me off and I'll fucking kill you." |
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Porter
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2003 11:48 pm |
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GangrelPosts: 1117Location: The riverbank.Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:20 pm
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((Damnit women will you shut the **** up? It was a great read as fucking usual! :lol:
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Lady Cyrilynn
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Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2003 12:10 am |
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Old Clan TzimiscePosts: 704Location: Seattle, Washington, USAJoined: Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:29 am
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Take it from someone who reads these things avidly (right Porter?), IT WAS GOOD! ::drools in anticipation of more:: Nice appetizer, now what's for dinner :?
_________________ You come to me for a mere assassination? Foolish creature, there is more to be gained from my skills then that!. Before I am finished, death will be welcomed as a release. |
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Nix
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Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2003 1:30 am |
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UnknownPosts: 117Location: ChicagoJoined: Mon Nov 24, 2003 4:24 pm
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((Duck, i go through this EVERY time i post. I don't like my writing style, too much dialogue
_________________ "Yeah, you want me. Piss me off and I'll fucking kill you." |
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Finn
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Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2003 4:27 pm |
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GangrelPosts: 64Location: Everywhere "they" didn't look.Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 9:41 pm
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The limo sat outside. It wasn’t the over-stretched, stereotype Finn half-feared. But it was distressingly white. He squinted disdainfully at the harshness of the car’s alloy shell, his pupils dilating and narrowing as the barrage of animated neon bore upon the shining lustre of the polar paintwork.
[i:74fcc91b59]“Nice car.â€[/i:74fcc91b59] He tried his best to sound impressed, but Nix’ ears weren’t naive.
[i:74fcc91b59]“Is it fuck! Mike loaned it to me. As soon as I’m set I’m getting something a bit more....â€[/i:74fcc91b59] She made a throat sound that at once resembled a feral, seductive purr, and a dominating growl.
Finn walked around to the left side, prompted by the be-suited driver. His fingers drew reflections from the polished metal. He half jokingly preened himself in the mirror-like surface before climbing in. The leather interior made him wince, gritting his teeth as he sat.
Nix moved sleekly, her movements leonine in their simplicity. He shook the thoughts from his mind as he watched, fate blinding him to the lack of a mirror-self following her route to the door.
[i:74fcc91b59]“So...where you taking us?â€[/i:74fcc91b59] He thought it prudent to ask.
[i:74fcc91b59]“Well I figured...we’re both new to town. Thought we could drive a bit, talk some more. Maybe...â€
“Maybe?â€[/i:74fcc91b59] Finn’s hair seemed to relax a little, losing something of the feral edge it presented.
Nix just smiled, [i:74fcc91b59]“we’ll see.â€[/i:74fcc91b59] Was all she said.
She tapped the screen alerting the driver.
[i:74fcc91b59]“Sam? Give us the extended tour. Oh and Sam? Make it [b:74fcc91b59]interesting[/b:74fcc91b59].â€[/i:74fcc91b59]
The driver nodded, the screen darkening as he shielded them and himself from each other. The car grumbled with a lazy retort from it’s engine as he turned the key. Wheeling the heavyset luxury vehicle onto the street. Accelerating as he left the strip of sidewalk behind.
[i:74fcc91b59]“What you think of Mike then, Finn?â€
“The truth?â€
“Is there anything else? Shit yeah, the truth!â€
“Wanker. Met too many like him. Self important, dickless and clueless.â€[/i:74fcc91b59]
Nix’ face exploded, her face dark. But it was an expulsion of laughter not anger that stretched her lips so widely. She leant forward, opening a cooler cabinet.
[i:74fcc91b59]“Drink?â€
“Whatever you’re having.â€[/i:74fcc91b59]
She poured two glasses of scotch. Seemingly bowing after she’d handed one to Finn. In fact, he saw, she snorted a small line of white powder, rubbing the traces left along her gums and washing the grittiness away with a mouthful of the single malt.
[i:74fcc91b59]“Glenmorangie. Ahhh, that’s better.â€[/i:74fcc91b59]
Finn didn’t approve, but she wasn’t his friend, so his feelings didn’t matter.
She felt his eyes on her, it made her smile as his eyes wandered down her back.
Boy, he thought. She does have a nice a....
She cut the thought in half.
[i:74fcc91b59]“So Finn. What could I offer you, that’d make you want to stay?â€[/i:74fcc91b59] She turned her head just enough to have to look over her shoulder at him. Her previously frozen glance was simmering over with feigned warmth, and a little extra heat.
_________________ 'Stop worrying about what he'll do to you, start worrying about me!
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Nix
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Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2003 7:33 pm |
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UnknownPosts: 117Location: ChicagoJoined: Mon Nov 24, 2003 4:24 pm
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“What have you got to give?” Nix said sniffing slightly.
“Depends on what you have to offer,” Finn replied grinning faintly.
“I think you’ll find, Finn,” she said turning slightly to face him, “that I have a lot to offer someone like you.”
“Oh?”
“Oh yes.”
Nix bit her lip, and gazed intently at Finn.
“In fact, you’re exactly the type of person I need.”
Finn exhaled and ran a hand through his long plume of hair. He had potential. Trent had done well.
“You see Finn,” she said leaning towards him slightly, “I need some help.”
Nix lowered her gaze. “I have plans, but I can’t do it on my own.”
“What kind of plans?”
She lifted her eyes to look at Finn. “Just… plans.” Nix shrugged slightly, “It’s just that I need someone who can handle himself. I need someone who won’t get fucked over by some V off his head.”
“Uh, Phenix,” he said slowly, “I don’t think-“
Nix’s expression darkened. “Sure, I could get some brute that’s good with his fists. But if it fucking goes down then I need someone who can talk the shit too.”
Finn smiled slightly then looked intently out of the blackened window.
“I’m telling it to you straight Finn. You got balls,” she said knocking back the scotch. “We could go far, you and me.”
Finn turned to face her, his intense blue eyes narrowing, his shocking hair rising slightly. “What’s in it for me?”
She did like blue.
“Well, what can I offer you?” Nix grinned and topped up her drink. “A bit of excitement and I’d look after you for a while,” she continued sipping on the alcohol.
He smirked expectantly.
“Some new gear,” she paused again running her eyes over his clothing. “Fuck knows you need it. A place to stay, anywhere you want. And obviously a cut in the profits or merchandise. Whatever.”
He raised an eyebrow then turned to look out of the window again.
“You never know Finn,” Nix continued swirling the liquid in the glass, “this could be the start of a-“
_________________ "Yeah, you want me. Piss me off and I'll fucking kill you." |
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Finn
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Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2003 10:54 pm |
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GangrelPosts: 64Location: Everywhere "they" didn't look.Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 9:41 pm
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She began to fill him in on her intentions. As typical, she was looking for hired thugs. But seemingly she wanted more than brutality. The offer of some new threads, somewhere to sleep...it was tempting. But his very essence told him things were unlikely to be so straight-cut. He listened to her offers, keeping his mood light as the windows reflected his and her own faces, like curious ephemera hovering somewhere in the hell-scarred streets of Downtown outside.
He raised an eyebrow then turned to look out of the window again.
[i:261c350fe9]“You never know Finn,†[/i:261c350fe9]Nix continued swirling the liquid in the glass, [i:261c350fe9]“this could be the start of a...â€[/i:261c350fe9]
Finn stopped her. His face suddenly went dark, his eyes glimmered with silvery light as something beyond the warm confines of the car caught his attention and roused something in him....?
[i:261c350fe9]“Stop the car.â€[/i:261c350fe9] His tone was hushed, more like spoken thought than statement.
[i:261c350fe9]“What?â€[/i:261c350fe9] Nix answered coolly.
[i:261c350fe9]“Stop the fucking car!â€[/i:261c350fe9]
She nodded, caught off guard, slamming her fist on the screen to alert Sam.
The car braked violently. Nix spilling her glass as Finn threw the door at his side open.
She screamed after him, [i:261c350fe9]“What the fuck are you doing? Get back in here you crazy fuck!â€[/i:261c350fe9]
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The prostitute spat blood. Her two front-most teeth smashed free of their sockets. Her attacker, an unnecessarily furious john, stood over her. He began to unzip his pants, his already hard dick swelling as he looked down on his victim.
[i:261c350fe9]“You’re gonna love this bitch! Now I’ve made your mouth wider for this...â€[/i:261c350fe9]
He waved his member over her. Her sobs brought dark chuckles from him. He grew more excited and kicked her in the ribs.
[i:261c350fe9]Something rustled from the left. Something moving too fast to be human.[/i:261c350fe9]
Finn launched himself down the alleyway the limo had stopped just beyond. His feet seemed to barely touch the concrete. Giving him the appearance, Nix thought, of a bird anchored.
The john looked up just as Finn reached him. The sound rising from the young feral’s throat was something of a raptor’s cry, something of a growl. Both inhuman in that. Finn’s eyes were huge. Silver orbs magnifying and enhancing the details of his prey. He caught him under the chin with a swinging uppercut that devastated the bully’s jaw. Thus disabled, the man fell with a resounding crunch. Finn didn’t let up. He followed the man’s descent with a frenzied shriek. Falling upon him and continuing his assault with fist and fury. He felt the carrion bird within him taunt his fingers to become talons, but the urge was restrained. His face distorted into a mask of nigh-unfettered hate, he beat the man into unconsciousness. Only stopping when he heard the terrified sob at his side.
[i:261c350fe9]“Oh god, please don’t let me be next.â€[/i:261c350fe9]
The wind battered clear of his rage, he staggered back. Suddenly, it seemed, adrift on a sea of chaos he couldn’t fathom. He stumbled, looking at the woman he’d thought to be saving.
[i:261c350fe9]“It’s okay. You’re safe now. Here take my hand...â€[/i:261c350fe9]
She recoiled from him, shaking her head. A plaintive soul-wrenching cough coming from her. His ears withered at the whispered terror she uttered.
[i:261c350fe9]Stay away from me! Please god! You’re a monster![/i:261c350fe9]
He could only retreat, deflated, stripped of the elation his thought-righteousness had given him. Nix watched as the man she’d elected to manipulate unfurled in front of her eyes. Going from self-important upstart to raging predator to broken man. She closed the gap between them, forcing a smile as he looked up.
[i:261c350fe9]“You finished?â€[/i:261c350fe9]
Withered. Resolved. He nodded, his thoughts spiralling on the hooker’s face of fear and the words she sputtered.
The limo started moving again. Nix looked upon Finn with a curiosity. The fury she’d seen unleashed could stem from only one place.
Finn sat silent. Horribly reminded of the world his father had borne him unto. He hissed through his teeth and closed his eyes. A face entered his mind before it was pulled back in a hellish fiery scream.
Emery.
Nix placed a hand on his lap, a cigarette dangled uselessly from her lip. Plumes and spirals of smoke drifted towards the extractor fan. She spoke through the smoke, [i:261c350fe9]“Emery?â€[/i:261c350fe9]
His mind suddenly alert, he turned to face her. His thoughts reeling. Had she read his mind, or was there something more sinister afoot?
_________________ 'Stop worrying about what he'll do to you, start worrying about me!
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Mark Archer
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 11:38 am |
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MalkavianPosts: 16Location: Yorkshire, EnglandJoined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:06 pm
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((i have been gone a while and so its taken me a while to catch up on the reading of threads in the IC section. Just read this one and all i can say is WOW! will you marry me Nix? lmao. Just kidding. well that is unless you want too. Your Dialouge is incredibley well worded and your descriptive use of actions combined makes me feel like im actually part of the conversation. Its a hard thing to do, i know cus i can never seem to do it lol. Makes me want to make a char to join in and be part of the fun:P Mind if i play the limo driver? lol
and as for you frank you just suck :P LOL. Or at least you better do in about four hours :P )Seriosly, frank you still rock and you make an excelent team))
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kicktoria
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Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2003 2:52 pm |
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VisitorPosts: 8Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2003 11:18 pm
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((Thanks for the compliment Marky, but I personally think that dialogue my weakness... there is too much of it. Thanks though
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Finn
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Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2003 12:22 am |
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GangrelPosts: 64Location: Everywhere "they" didn't look.Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 9:41 pm
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Finn’s hand lashed out, the impact sent Nix’ cigarette spinning. HIs fingers gripping her porcelain-like neck viciously. She would’ve choked were she human. Even so, it was unexpected, and painful.
[i:662d1e228c]“What the fuck do you know about Emery? Who the fuck are you!? You best answer soon before I break your pretty little neck!â€[/i:662d1e228c]
Finn was enraged. Not in the righteous manner he’d felt in the alleyway. But in the terrified, paranoid rage of a man suddenly aware he was out of his depth. He felt his claws extending, but unlike the alleyway, he didn’t restrain them. Rivulets of blood trickled down Nix’ neck, pooling in the hollow of her clavicle. She could only snort a reply as his fingers tightened.
[i:662d1e228c]“Trent. It was Trent. The package....â€[/i:662d1e228c] She spluttered as he released his grip.
[i:662d1e228c]“Touchy aren’t we? Jesus Finn. Trent knows all about you. Did you honestly think he’d send you to me, without filling me in?â€[/i:662d1e228c]
Finn’s eyes shimmered.
[i:662d1e228c]“Filling you in? What the fuck is it that you think you know?â€
“Everything, Finn. We know all about Tapestry. Simian’s gang. And more to the point, we know what you did to Emery. We know all about you, Finn. Trust me, it’s better for you that we do.â€
“Better? How the fuck is it better?â€
“Because now we know how far you’re willing to go. And you know how far we’re willing to dig. No more secrets. No lies. No bullshit, Finn.â€[/i:662d1e228c]
Nix was smiling. Whereas previously her smile caught him like a light catches a fly, now her smile chilled him like someone had not only stepped on his grave, but shit on it.
Finn didn’t return the expression. His face was deathly calm. Leaden with rage. His eyes huge, irises distended unnaturally like those of a jackdaw. He leaned closer, never lowering his gaze.
[i:662d1e228c]“I torched a fucking Prince for crossing me. Imagine what I'd do to you if you did the same.â€[/i:662d1e228c]
Nix’ eyes flared. She spat as her words struck Finn’s face just as sharply as any fist could.
[i:662d1e228c]“Is that the limits of your imagination!? Don’t dare threaten me, boy! I’ve done shit that would turn your hair, or feathers, or whatever the FUCK that is, white! You can’t comprehend the shit I’ve done! So don’t cast your little, small-time threats at me! You have no fucking clue who you’re dealing with!!â€[/i:662d1e228c]
The two Kindred sat in stalemate. Neither ready to back down to the other.
Against character, or rather entirely within character, Nix was the one to break the ice that froze the barrier between them.
She smiled again, her face literally beaming. [i:662d1e228c]“Besides. If I didn’t want you around. You’d already be toast. Now if we’re done here, can we go get some fucking shopping done!?â€[/i:662d1e228c]
She continued, trying to cool his anger further, [i:662d1e228c]“we can be enemies, Finn. But I don’t want that. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want that. Besides, if you ask nicely, I might even buy you a Sundae.â€[/i:662d1e228c]
Finn didn’t answer. He sat staring ahead. He had nothing to say that would make a blind difference. She lit another cigarette, blowing smoke before pressing a button on the music station fixed into a panel in front of her. A CD whirred into position, its spinning quickening before a trickle of piano drifted into the now claustrophobic interior of the limo. Finn looked at her, his eyes looking watery. Not with tears she thought, but the muscles housing his eyes palpitated nonetheless.
[i:662d1e228c]“Hey! C’mon now! We’ve made up. No need to get weepy! Here listen to this. This’ll soothe that savage soul of yours.â€[/i:662d1e228c]
Finn forced a smile as she punched him in the arm. Watching as she leaned back in her seat, her eyes closing. Her cigarette smouldering, smoke pursuing the lifting notes of the opening strings of Handel’s Messiah.
His eyes left her reluctantly. He daren’t turn his back on her. He knew that now. Sighing audibly, wearily he let the waves of music wash over him. He looked out of the window, watching the dark road yawning before him. He didn’t know where it was leading him. And as the music lifted him on tonal wings, he briefly, wonderfully, didn’t care.
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[b:662d1e228c]Two nights later....[/b:662d1e228c]
Finn sat on the ledge, feet dangling. The sparrow sat on his finger, conversing with him at length about the weather, problems raising chicks. The usual avian pleasantries. Once he had won it's favour, he asked it for one. He smiled warmly, his nose touching the tiny beak as he whispered. [i:662d1e228c]"I need you to do something for me. If you do this, I'll make sure your chicks get only the fattest grubs to eat. I need you to fly north, spread the word. Tell Kahn, Finn needs him. Tell him to come here."[/i:662d1e228c]
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[b:662d1e228c][i:662d1e228c]THE END?[/i:662d1e228c][/b:662d1e228c]
_________________ 'Stop worrying about what he'll do to you, start worrying about me!
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Gabriel
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Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2003 6:56 pm |
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VentruePosts: 1554Location: Virginia, USAJoined: Fri Apr 04, 2003 5:05 pm
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((Nix, take it from somoene who struggles with dialogue...your writing style is terrific! what good is flowery, ornate writing when your characters talk like bad cliche's out of B-Movies? the dialogue sounds so natural...so unforced...really a treat :)
_________________ Money can't buy you friends, but it can buy you a better class of enemies. |
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