So heres the deal im almost 90 days out from seperating my service with the army. And ive got a ton of things I want to do. Originally, after getting accepted to the University of Arizona ::Takes a Bow::, I decided to move to Arizona Where some of my family currently resides. I was also born there making it more attractive. I convinced two of my closest friends to move out there with me. And as far as I know are still making plans to do so. So its all planned out and going well except. I met someone.
Ashley is lovely intelligent girl who I fell hard and quickly for. In hall honestly I love her and have never experienced these feelings with anyone else. A part of me wants her to move out to Arizona with me and we had begun putting forward plans to do such, though recently i have had second doubts. We are past the everything is new and exciting phase, and have moved into more of a monotinous phase which is cool with both of us. However shes scared, and for good reason, to move out where she knows no one. I am, now, afraid that I can do better or maybe she is not the right one. The little things that annoy me are beginning to stack up. Shes a picky eater, wears too much concealment/makeup. a bit overweight(which i am currently not in my prime shape, but working out is a big part of my life even if it is seasonal, And I do get in shape! I wonder if she will just get heavier and heavier. And After kids?????) I dont think i could be without someone im not attracted to. I'm more attracted to her mentally than anything but its starting to fade. Each time she says something stupid it takes away from my attraction. She Says "FUSTRATED....."And stil does after i imformed her its frustrated. We all have words we thought were spelled/pronounced/defined a certain way only to find out way later in life its wrong, I always pronounced similar "simUlar" which i no longer do, but she continues to say it and its beginning to take its toll. I just cant help but think im young and theres gonna be more out there. especially in a college atmosphere.
I focused mainly on the bad but there are many great things about our relationshiop. She is one of the most independent people i have ever met. She has a great job and makes more than i do. She went to UT and has an aa in poli Science. She pays her own bills. She can calm me down and im a very hot headed person. We argue sometimes, but have always been able to talk it out. Though most of our arguments I feel i start off rational, listen well provide a side of argument, hear out hers and then she usually goes over the same point until i explode. Then she becomes rational calms me down then we can both be rational and hear each other out. Weird huh? But whatever works.
Shes got some baggage though. She was recently engaged to a guy who cheated on her in iraq of all places. So I go home to a house full of pictures of them. She still does there finances.
I know it would be over if i took her with me but I am leaning heavy on the side of not doing so now. Ive never fallen so quickly for someone, or at all for that matter. These feelings are new. Im not good at being in a relationship though i know enough about it to callem as i see um. Seen a lot of divorce since ive been in. This doesnt sound good on paper. But am I ready to leave it just yet? I have october with her. In November I go to NTC, national training center, for 30 days in the mohabe, (fucking cant believe they are making me go)then i get out the end of december. So we really need to decide now. If she comes do I bring my friends still? I dont think i cant just leave them hanging. But the 4 of us in one house?
let me know what yall think.

I'm the last person to offer advice on healthy relationships (having returned several times to an extremely unhealthy one!) but I'll say this mate, from one guy to another.

Never settle, either with yourself or with others. Couple of quick facts:

1) You're a young guy still. VERY young. There's no reason to settle in (especially with someone you're already having doubts about).

2) This situation seems to be moving AWFULLY fast and making quick decisions in relationships often leads to mistakes. Very sad.

Never settle man. Either in your responsibilities to yourself or to others. Be honest both with everyone AND with yourself. Set up your own life, then worry about women.

Good luck.

Sounds to me like you are in love with the idea of being in love. If you are questioning whether or not she will get fatter and fatter (which generally DOES happen to at least 85% of us as we get older, (my fiancee is annoyingly in the other 15%) and gravity WILL take over)) and are worried about physical appearances, you are prolly not in it for the "right" things. Which is fine. You seem like you are young, so you are permitted to be as superficial as you'd like to be. Come to think of it, even if you weren't young, you'd still be permitted to be as superficial as you'd like to be. I don't know you from Adam so I'll take your word for it about the arguments. I'm sure in HER mind she thinks she is being rational etc etc. So who knows on that score. As far as getting annoyed that she says "fustrated," um, if that little thing bugs you so much, how do you think it'll be when it's just you two shacked up in Arizona?

See, the odd thing is, if you are attracted to her mind, the whole body thing generally goes flying out the window after a while anyways. Eventually, the sex comes to a halt (hopefully in the FAR distant future). All that you are left with is the mind. If you are already connected to that, maybe that isn't so bad after all. I mean, provided she doesn't have bad hygiene or problems with odors and bodily discharges and provided she isn't morbidly obese, it doesn't sound so bad to me.

Have you ever considered the merits of a good single malt scotch and a cigar with the lads down at the pub on a regular basis to settling down at your tender age? (Not that I know your tender age mind you).

And now for my superficial rebuttal.

We all have physical attractions, Preferences, and would love to have either Aniston or Pitt, depending on sex or sexual preference. I knew as I was writing that I wasnt going to take her to Arizona. the weight thing is not as much as an issue as I may have made it seem to be or as some may have construed. However I reasise this was a point of concern to me it was merely one of many. And pardon me for being superficial about it, at least im not hypocritical about it as im just as judgemental about my self. I think a big part of it is health concerns and not just how at ease it may make your peepers. But even eve hopes shes not obese :-)
But you are both right and I already knew exactly what youd say,alas, i myself had thought it too. We're gonna take a few days off from each other. Which will help put things in better perspectrive for both of us. With any luck I can regenerate my sexdrive. I think we just went a little overboard at first and what goes up must go down right? I wont boast as to how much. But lets just say that its been making up for the "far distant future" philosophy. I toatally aknowlege btw

and arent we all in love with the idea of being in love?

[quote:4174cc7160="{SoC} Syd Nowell"]and arent we all in love with the idea of being in love?[/quote:4174cc7160]

Nope, some of us are bitter, twisted and living cynical lives where we know the ultimate, inescapable truth: that existence is hollow, futile and empty; and that misery, pain and suffering is the natural state of being for all mankind.

touchet

Did you just say touch it?

Gross man. I thought you had a girly!

I think he meant "touché".