Not the one. Again and again.

Will I ever find him?

My apartment mirrors my world, dark and tastless. My landlord thought I was crazy for bricking up my windows and painting everything black.

Maybe I am crazy. Trapped in this filth of an existence. The constant bloodlust is driving me mad. So alone, desperatly alone. Nothing to sooth my pain but my white chalk scribbles on black walls.

Why do I draw him? I don't know his face, it's only a feeling. Only he can save me from this hell.

I can't help remembering my life before I was chained to this existence.

There was a purity, a natural beauty. As a child I knew nothing of this evil. All was good and right and just. I felt love.

My god, I actually remember a feeling that didn't originate in pain.

My parents were liberated beings, freespirits. Telling me stories of kind spirits and nature. I knew nothing. NOTHING. How blind my eyes had been. How niave. Perhaps....

I don't understand how that world can just disappear. Either I was decieved and everthing before this monsterous life was a dream.....or

Maybe there is truely a world like that. Where there is light that does not burn. Where people are honest and true. An altered reality.

Perhaps the facade of goodness and love is only to cover the sludge of souls so tainted by lust and greed they have no minds is normal in this reality....and the opposite in another?

I believe so.

And if there is one pure soul on this earth I will spend eternity seeking it out.....weeding out some pretenders along the way.

Yes. The one good soul. He will be my doorway back into the land of dreams, and peace, and love.

ah yes. To be loved again....

*with that thought I slumber*