Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick


Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again



Your Horoscope For Today


by Al Yankovic

[quote:481332d5b7="Drain"]Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week[/quote:481332d5b7]

:shock: Shit.... lol.

LOL! That's too funny!

My guy is a Pisces ... they're right when they said he's not Lord of the Dance ... Sssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh ... don't encourage him! lol

hey, i couldnt get my tongue frozen to the back of no bus!!!!! I wanted hat travel part

at least i played the guacamole thing

Seems like I'm ALWAYS face down in the mud!! :shock:

Hmmmm...maybe that's why I failed my driver's test the first time I ever took it! And it also explains [b:09a632763b]why[/b:09a632763b] I'm being haunted by a roll of duct tape! :shock: :shock:

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik


The size of my butt at the moment I don't think I'd fit it ona piece of A4 lololol

Stopping smoking is a bummer.....you do it to feel healthier....which I do ...but you gain lumps and bumps lolol

Not too sure about the tuna flavoured pud :shock:

But strawberry quik sounds good :P

[quote:19baf94e0f="Isabella Garrett"]But strawberry quik sounds good :P[/quote:19baf94e0f]

GODS!! Does anyone but me remember Tang? The official drink of the astronauts??!!?? :shock:

I'm definitely not old ... but I DO remember Tang! Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ..........

Tang and Vodka rocks

Meh. :P

.....me hung over....st patricks day...baaaaaad.....irish car bombs.......baaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaa-aaaaaaad

headache...bad

[quote:d4676798a9="Lady Cyrilynn"][quote:d4676798a9="Isabella Garrett"]But strawberry quik sounds good :P[/quote:d4676798a9]

GODS!! Does anyone but me remember Tang? The official drink of the astronauts??!!?? :shock:[/quote:d4676798a9]


that's my car's name ;)

[quote="batty"][quote:d9cf5849fa="Lady Cyrilynn"]that's my car's name ;)[/quote:d9cf5849fa]

Heh. And if I remember rightly, it's orange too, isn't it? :shock:

Say! Does anyone remember or have the recipe for "Russian Tea"? The one with the ingredient of Tang? I seem to have lost mine. :(

[quote:412e5090de="Lady Cyrilynn"]
Heh. And if I remember rightly, it's orange too, isn't it? :shock:
[/quote:412e5090de]

It's not orange, it's [color=orange:412e5090de][size=24:412e5090de][b:412e5090de]ORANGE[/b:412e5090de][/size:412e5090de][/color:412e5090de] ! 8)

::puddles:: :shock: