How does one know if one is in love with another person, or if one is merely in love with the idea of being with that person?


Discuss.

I think you just know.

If you don't, then you aren't in love.

It's easy to love an idea. But it's just as easy to stop loving an idea.

Real love however is more belligerent.

It's a fine line...that much is for sure.

I've often wondered if I were in love or merely frightened of being alone, or as you said enamored with the idea of being in love. But frankly, when the opportunity came to be with someone else and I found myself uninterested it qualmed the fears that love wasn't there. I truly love the person I'm involved with (even though she's flaky as all get out) and sometimes that can be a challenge.

I guess it just comes from an appreciation of who they are and their personality. Stop thinking of yourselves as a unit for a moment and just think about the person his/herself. Is it someone you admire as an individual? I guess that's one way to tell.

Ok, what about how do you know if it is love or simply addiction to that other person?

or to the sex

Well...in a way addiction can be a by product of your love. If you love someone though, generally you'll put their needs before yours. Whereas if you're addicted you're simply feeding a hunger.

If that person said back off, would you? If yes for their good...it's probably love. If no, probably obsession.

or bad sex

Sigh funny how beard wearers only think of sex

I'm afraid that if I loved someone and they asked me to back off I wouldn't be able to do it.....maybe love is somehow tangled up with obsession? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

but then I'm not the best person to ask.




continue to discuss :)

Well, I know it is addiction. I NEED to make that woman, or try to make that woman, happy. That is how I get my whole concept of being. That must change. I feel like one of those stupid battered wives who say "He only beats me because he loves me." In my case, "She only shits all over, and emotionally beats me because she loves me." It's all very pathetic, but in the end I cannot quiet the demon that rears its ugly head to whisper in my ear, "you need Mallory to make you happy. You are not a complete person without her."

I think I need to become a monk. I can't handle relationships, per chance that is why I keep coming back to the safety of the online community. Now THERE is an essay topic: what draws people to online relationships, be they platonic or "romantic," in nature? As I sit here in my little tenement typing away with my cat Vanya sitting a few inches away on the desk looking at me funny, I wonder just that. I don't think I can handle reality. I think in the end I will die a very lonely, and unfulfilled man. Knowing my luck it'll be a long time from now. Christ it's all depressing. All because of a woman... How pathetic.

Online relationships? Sure... why not.

Getting away from the potentially sticky "romantic" associations - which can work, I've read it in newspapers, or something...

I've got a good friend in NYC, comes to visit me just about every year. Met him online. I've been out to visit Trish and her mob. Again met online.

You'd be welcome over here, ya shmuck - you got my tel # :P

Or have I got the question wrong? Is the question not about the people you meet online, then meet up with in RL? Is the question about the people you meet online and have no intention of ever meeting RL?

I personally take the opposite approach. I find the more accustomed and familiar you come with difficult real life situations, the easier and more natural they become. I actively seek out those things, I don't want to seclude myself.

But I share your experience with a woman that's bad for you.

Yeah, I know how you feel Pete. But believe me it DOES get easier, and one day you WILL meet the woman of your dreams.

Just hang in there!

Is it possible for you to take a holiday Pete? Ie try the out of sight out of mind tactic, if you cant't see her, talk to her, maybe you will find the strength from inside yourself to stop the emotional hurt that is being inflicted on you.


Does that make sense?


As for the online thing I think it is all too easy to try and escape reality through the internet, I've done it myself countless times, internet friends are easy to make and you can be who you want to be. Im not saying its a bad thing to do, I've made a hell of a lot of friends on here :)

Am I digging myself into a big hole ? lololol

If I was you pete I would try and take time out, which I know is very hard when you want to be with someone so much, but for your own sanity I would really give it a go if you can :)

and have sex